Day Two: My Least Favorite Song

There are many songs in this world that I do not care for. Many of them I absolutely 100 percent hate. Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” is the superlative form of this. Now, just to set the record straight, I am not a Beyonce hater, she’s alright. However, I’m not totally in love with her either. I am also not a hardcore feminist by any means (although I firmly believe in equality) but a lady referring to herself as “it” gets my inner Betty Freidan all sorts of riled up. Not to mention it sounds a bit like a quote from "Silence of the Lambs." Creepy town! Is it not enough that women are constantly objectified, do we really have to objectify ourselves in our own dance music? Really?!?!

On the surface this song presents itself as promoting single lady solidarity. It plays; ladies get up and do the silly dance, and pretend they are not hoping some dude notices them. Why even bother with the farce? There are definite perks to being a “single lady” and this song does not espouse any of them. The charade is: we’ll pretend to be happy being single until we are in a relationship. I’m not saying all “single ladies” should be content being “single ladies.” If that is not their tea cup, fine. I just don’t know what the point of pretending is. Being a single lady can be awesome. Why can’t it be celebrated rather than seen as a period of biding time until a man scoops you up?

One of the most obnoxious things associated with this song is it’s prevalence at weddings. Let’s put all the drunk, sad, pathetic, “single ladies” out on the dance floor and see what happens. It’s cruel. It should be noted that in this context a “single lady” is an unmarried lady, the fact that said lady may be in a relationship that has spanned nearly a decade is unimportant. If “it” doesn’t have a ring on “it” then “it” is a “single lady” thus “it” is forced to gyrate in a group of other “single ladies” with “its” hand in the air T-rex style. Maybe I’m overreacting (tis my nature) but the more I think about it, the more I feel as though this song is an elaborate self congratulator for non-single ladies.

Anyway, if not having a ring makes me single, then I am single and proud.

p.s.-The music video for this song is alright.

Now Let us take a moment to deconstruct this monstrosity line by line:

Single Ladies Lyrics

All the single ladies (7x)-7x too many, uh burn

Now put your hands up -Nothing wrong here

Up in the club, we just broke up –Still no problem, dancing is a perfectly acceptable emotional outlet

I’m doing my own little thing-Seems like a decent plan. Although I don’t know why her thing has to be little.

you Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me-seems like a variance from “doing your own little thing” but still, no real problem yet. Although she has not provided any proof that said ex is actually “tripping”

I’m up on him, he up on me-Let the mind games commence

dont pay him any attention- Who are we not paying attention to? The jealous ex or the groper?

cuz i cried my tears, GAVE three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me-Not exactly sure what there is to be mad about?

[Chorus]
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it-There is just so much wrong with this sentiment, would a “ring on it” really have fixed anything? Do ladies really need to portray the notion that they can be bought with diamonds?

Don’t be mad once you see that he want it-just because someone wants to dance with “it” does not mean they are agreeing to purchase “it”

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it-Seriously though, it comes off as supremely jaded.

wo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh x2-I actually really like this part.


(Chorus)Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it-Do we really need to hear this nonsense repeated so incessantly?


I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans-Seems a bit vindictive to me. P.s. Beyonce, we all know your hot, do you need to rub it in? Also, nice plug for Dereon (apparel by Beyonce), it really elevates this song to Jingle status.

acting up, drink in my cup-Needing liquor to have a good time is a sign of a serious substance abuse problem.

I couldn’t care less what you think-Obviously you care, a lot.

I need no permission, did I mention- If “it” had a ring on “it” it would still need no permission.

Dont pay him any attention-very mature, not.

Cuz you had your turn-are you a carnival ride?

But now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me-threat level orange.

(Chorus)

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it-IT NEVER ENDS!!!!!

woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh 2x-taking a hater break. Dancing it off.

Don’t treat me to the things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl-I think these words are strung together purely to make sounds. Good luck finding a dude who treats you to unworldly things. Maybe that’s why “it” doesn’t have a ring on “it”

Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve-Is this referencing the non-putter a ring-on-it-er?

Is a man that makes me, then takes me-Yuck! Like a perverse teacher student like fetish? I see.

And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond-Oh, she wants Buzz Lighyear or someone to take her to see “Toy Story”

Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you WANT-Insecurity-1, Self-confidence-0

If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone-Placate this Bitch or there will be no making then taking. Also, your simile sucks ass.

All the single ladies (7x)-7x?!?! for real?!?!

Now put your hands up-too exhausted.

woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh
oh oh oh 2x- The charm of this phase of the song has completely eroded

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it-WHY!?!?WILL IT NEVER STOP!?!?

Don’t be mad once you see that he want it-Desperation is decidedly unattractive

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it woo oh ooh 2x-really though, how could anyone like “it”?

Runners up:

• The Offspring-“Pretty Fly for a White Guy”

• LFO-“Summer Girls” (“I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch etc. . ." )

• Barnaked Ladies-“One Week”

Next Up: A song that makes you happy