Thursday, June 23, 2011

Day Nine: Put Your Arms Out Front, Lean Side to Side


Claiming to be able to dance to this song is a bit of an overstatement. Actually, it is a bold faced lie but here I am, writing about it anyway.

Imagine this, it’s Memorial Day, the sun is shining, you are in Los Angeles, and your friends have a really sweet porch. What do you do? If you are us, you spend the day partaking in adult beverages like any true American. Although, if you go down this wayward path you risk being completely sloppy drunk by the early evening, as is what happened to me.

My L.A. friends (yep, I’m super cool) live in a four-plex and are very neighborly, so when one of their upstairs neighbors came home to find himself locked out of his apartment we offered him a beer and asked him to join us. Unfortunately for him this happened to coincide with me suddenly coming down with a massive case of “Teach Me How to Dougie” getting stuck in my drunken little head. As it turned out this dude, who’s name I cannot remember (I’m a bit of an asshole), admitted that his girlfriend knew how to “Dougie.” Also, he was pretty good at the “Dougie” himself. Ultimately this then led to a marathon of me commanding him to “teach me how to Dougie” (in my defense that is what the song prescribes) and him futilely attempting to show me. It was actually pretty rad. Every time he’d attempt to show me a “Dougie” move he’d say “of course.” i.e. “Then you move your arm like this of course.” And, of course, I could really not mimic any of it.

This is how it went down (from what I’ve been told):

Me: am I doing it?

Crowd: (unenthusiastically) yeah, that time it was pretty good

Me: Quit placating my Dougie (I really like to use the word “placate” when I’m drunk, I think that the drunken version of myself thinks it makes me appear less drunk). Show me again!

Dougie Dude: Then you move you feet like this, and then, of course, you move your arm like this. . .

Me: is this it?

Crowd: No

Sadly, times this by a few hours and that was the rest of the evening.

Anyway, I can now “Dougie” a million times better than I could before, which is actually pretty pathetic because my “Dougie” totally sucks. Thank you L.A. friends, cool L.A. Dougier, Cali Swag District, America, troops fighting for freedom, Skyy Vodka, barbequed Twinkies, and diet coke for blessing me with a truly fabulous Memorial Day 2011. The parts I can remember shall never be forgotten.

Teach Me How to Dougie Lyrics

Aye! Aye!
Teach me how to dougie (aye! )
[Verse 1:]
They be like Smoove (what?)
Can u teach me how to dougie?
You know why?
'Cause all da bitches love me (aye! )
All I need is a beat that's super bumpin'
And for you, you, you to back it up and dump it!
Put your arms out front, lean side to side
They gon' be on you when they see you hit dat dougie right?
Ain't nobody fuckin' wid my bro from morningside
He go by Bubba and he hit dat dance wid thunder
I ain't from Dallas but I D-town boogie
I show my moves off and errbody tryna do me
I leave da function and all da ladies tryna screw me
You just do you and I'ma do me (all day)
Niggas love to hate so they try to shoot me
Bitches be stuck to me I think they tryna glue me
I make the party shine bright when it's started boomin'
Dis beat was bubblegum so I had to chew it
[Chorus]
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
All my bitches love me
All my, all my bitches love me
All my bitches love me
You ain't fuckin wid my dougie! x2
[Verse 2]
My name is yung!
For da dudes who don't know me
I know I'm from da west but I can teach you how to dougie!
Step up in da club and all these bitches bug me
All da niggas dancin', none of them know me
I hear da spot screamin' like "Aye! Get it brody!"
So I'm on my shoulders and I take it real low
Dey like "how you da dat? he can dougie on the floor!"
And when dat nigga stop they like "dougie some mo'!"
I'm like a nigga kinda tired so, I pass it to da bro!
M-bone! show these cats how to do dat down south dance
Dat we learned a lil too fast and bought it to da hood
And got da whole crew askin...
[Chorus]
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
All my bitches love me
All my, all my bitches love me
All my bitches love me
You aint fuckin wit my dougie! x2
[Verse 3]
Back of the party I don't really like to boogie
I'm just tryna get bent and meet a thick redbone
(Mmm) she do her dougie and all them bitches hatin' but I'm bout
To escape with a bitch and head home (fuck it)
She got her friends so is a two man and
And I wanna run it even if her legs long
She like you hubby, I think she love me but,
I change da subject and I do my dougie
Cuz, I don't give a fuck, blow trees, get money
Me, smoove, hef in the back with playboy bunnies
We gon' make em do the dougie in the middle of da bed
And when I asked for some head da bitch looked at me funny
Daaah! bitch you can't tell me nothin star make the beat
And I just took it out the oven, I just see the dougie when everybody
Clubbin and I hate skinny jeans cuz the burner keep rubbin!
[Chorus]
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
Teach me how to dougie
Teach me, teach me how to dougie
All my bitches love me
All my, all my bitches love me
All my bitches love me
You aint fuckin wit my dougie! x2

Runners Up:

  1. Mr. C the Slide Man-“Cha Cha Slide”
  2. “The Electric Slide”
  3. Aaron Neville-“Don’t Know Much”
  4. T.I.-“Whatever You Like”

Next Up:

A song that makes you fall asleep

1 comment:

  1. sounds like fun!! I can totally picture that happening.

    ReplyDelete