Friday, June 17, 2011

Day Four: Crying Time

So today I have to write about a song that makes me sad. I’ve really not been looking forward to writing this entry. Not that I don’t enjoy an occasional sad song but they do have a way of sending one into a misery spiral. I’m currently especially susceptible to spiraling out of control. I actually did a mini spiral yesterday as a matter of fact. A few weeks ago I was laid off from my job, shortly thereafter I embarked on an epic excursion down the east coast, flew to the west coast, then went on to the Midwest (home), then came back again. It was a wonderfully exhausting two and a half week journey which left me completely emotionally wiped out and a bit emotionally confused as well. Yesterday I had a second interview for a dream job, which I may have (pretty sure I did) totally bombed. Today has been spent replaying all of the asinine things I said over and over again in my mind. Today I had an interview for a job that seems pretty awesome, at which I think I did well (fucking nailed it!). Only time will tell. For some reason though, all of these life events have melded together into one gigantic emotional roller coaster. Yesterday I completely spazzed out for reasons that are totally illogical. Today, under the same duress, I held it together just fine. What gives? I actually spazzed out because I could not control how much I was spazzing out. And then spazzed out some more at how ridiculous my spazzing out was (is?) Following which I downed some St John’s Wort and tried to convince myself that it actually does work. Anyway, I do not feel completely confident in my ability to judge sad music at this current juncture in my life for fear I will inadvertently set off another spastic cycle of doom. I am totally emotionally tumultuous right now.

On the other hand, what if shirking my perceived responsibility to writing today’s blog also triggers an abysmal downward spiral? Like, “I set one goal for myself, to spend the next 30 days writing about one song a day and I can’t even make it to the fourth day! I am a worthless piece of humanoid garbage.” Seems feasible, a bit hyperbolic, but (for me) very feasible. The latter seems far more serious/likely than the former. So, I guess I’ll don my “No Fear” apparel and stare down this mission with a fierce “I’m tough as nails” glare (and a bit of whiskey-why not? everyday is Saturday for the unemployed) and get right back in line for another go on this emotional roller coaster that is my life.

*30 Minutes Later*

I have been going through songs and decided to take myself up on my offer to have a drink. I found some Dewar’s which I then mixed with one part stale lemon seltzer water and one part flat ginger ale. A sad drink for a sad task. Choosing a sad song is a rough game to play for those of us who are ultra sensitive. Anyway, I’ve almost got it narrowed down to 15 songs (hikes!).

*45 Minutes Later*

So I went into this thinking that ultimately I would write about “Hurt,” comparing and contrasting the Nine Inch Nails Version with the Johnny Cash version. I think this song is perfect because no matter your mental state pre-song, post song you are left an emotional wreck. In a vacuum, this song would always produce the same despairing results. I really wanted to shy away from choosing a song that is sad for reasons I have attributed to it. Now, after drinking half of my “delicious” beverage, I now feel like totally devolving from the original plan and really diving into the abyss that is my Id (totally referencing Freud right now-learn about it). Anyway, I still haven’t chosen a song, so it remains to be seen what the outcome of this unfortunate experiment involving alcohol and blogging will produce.

*1 hour later*

The process of choosing a song for this entry has been pretty grueling, and, as originally feared, it did in fact instigate a spiral of the downward nature. However, I took a breather and crisis was averted. I am going to somewhat “cop out” on this entry though. I previously stated that I didn’t want to choose “Hurt” because it was too obvious. Well, I am going with an equally obvious selection, mostly because its sadness is undeniable. Unlike “Hurt” it is also heartbreakingly melodically beautiful. Today’s song is Jeff Buckley’s version of “Hallelujah.” Written and originally recorded by Leonard Cohen, “Hallelujah” (the Buckley version) was first brought to my attention through the tragic and untimely death of Marissa Cooper, the ill-fated Newportian teen of the hit T.V. show the O.C. (R.I.P). Since that moment, this has been my ultimate go to sad song. The lyrics are beautifully crafted; an enigmatic mixture of the elusively cryptic and the unabashedly human and honest. Jeff Buckley’s vocals are powerful, disturbing, mournful, and real. The instrumental leg is core twisting in its melodic simplicity. It really is a finely honed human sadness factory.

Sorry, no elaboration on my personal emotional baggage. Getting uncomfortably personal on my blog remains a project for another day.

Hallelujah

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd out drew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen in the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah <<(held for a long time)
Hallelujah

Sad Songs:

  • Flaming Lips-Do You Realize (mortality seriously bums me out)
  • Patsy Cline-Walking After Midnight
  • Kanye West-Street Lights
  • June Carter Cash-Ring of Fire
  • Imogen Heep-Into Dust
  • Band of Horses-The Funeral
  • Hole-Take Everything
  • Elton John-My Father’s Gun
  • The Cranberries-When You’re Gone (missing people is what I do now)
  • The Church-Under the Milky Way Tonight
  • Bruce Springsteen-I’m On Fire
  • Bone Thugs-Cross Roads

Next up:

A song that reminds you of someone

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